Just a thought or two...

1. A vulture boarded a plane, carrying two dead raccoons. The
stewardess stopped him and said, "Sorry sir, only one carrion
per passenger."

2. NASA recently sent a number of Holsteins into orbit for
experimental purposes. They called it the herd shot round the
world.

3. Two boll weevils grew up in S. Carolina. One took off to
Hollywood and became a rich star. The other stayed in Carolina
and never amounted to much--and naturally became known as the
lesser of ! two weevils.

4. Two Eskimos in a kayak were chilly, so they started a fire,
which sank the craft, proving the old adage you can't have your
kayak and heat it too.

5. A 3-legged dog walks into an old west saloon, slides up to the
bar and announces, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

6. Did you hear about the Buddhist who went to the dentist and
refused to take Novocain? He wanted to transcend dental
medication.

7. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and met in
the lobby where they were discussing their recent victories in
chess tournaments. The hotel manager came out of the office
after an hour, and asked them to disperse. He couldn't stand
chess nuts boasting in ! an open foyer.

8. A woman has twins, gives them up for adoption. One goes to an
Egyptian family and is named "Ahmal" The other is sent to a
Spanish family and is named "Juan". Years later, Juan sends
his birth mother a picture of himself. Upon receiving the
picture, she tells her husband she wishes she also had a
picture of Ahmal. He replies, "Good Grief! They're twins!!
If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal!!"

9. A group of friars opened a florist shop to help with their
belfry payments. Everyone liked to buy flowers from the Men of
God, so their business flourished. A rival florist became
upset that his business was suffering because people felt
compelled to buy from the Friars, so he asked the Friars to
cut back hours or close down. The Friars refused. So the
florist then hired Hugh McTaggert, the biggest meanest thug in
town. He went to the Friars' shop, beat them up, destroyed
their flowers, trashed their shop, and said that if they didn't
close, he'd be back. Well, totally terrified, the Friars closed
up shop and hid in their rooms. This proved that Hugh, and only
Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

10. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot his whole life,
which created an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He
also ate very little, which made him frail, and with his odd
diet, he suffered from very bad breath. This made him...what?
! (This is so bad it's good...) a super-callused fragile mystic
hexed by halitosis.

11. And finally, there was a person who sent 10 puns to some
friends in hopes at least one of the puns would make them
laugh. Sorry, no pun in ten did!

thanks Lamar