And now, from our Lamar Report:
AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES
1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply
pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage
will be almost instantly removed.
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing
vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet
seat by simply using the sink.
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself
and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.
Remember to use a timer.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will
prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the
snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of
laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.
7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer
and you will forget about the toothache.
Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of
life really are:
You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape.
If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40.
If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get
another chance.
"When fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in the American flag." - Huey Long
"Under a government which imprisons unjustly, the true place for a just man is also a prison." - Henry David Thoreau
"One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors." - Plato
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